Evil and Eviler, Heaven and Hell
by awabblertoday
Summary: Mysterious forces are at play and not everyone is who they seem. In later chapters, may be perryshmirtz and ferbnessa.


Of all things, I came up with this while I was watching 'American Pie 2'. This has NOTHING to do with that movie, but alas .. that is how my brain works. I don't own the characters here, but go on and read - if you dare.

Candace wakes early for her date with Jeremy. Her parents are out of town. Lawrence is gone to do something annual with his dad; Linda has gone on a trip with her cooking class. This leaves Candace is charge. Since she and Stacey have dates today and Jenny is on retreat, she has asked Vanessa to come over and watch the kids (and Perry). Though Candace is just waking up, Phineas and Ferb have been awake for a good hour and are already working on their invention of the day. Perry is downstairs, catching up on his favorite soap opera, 'Corazon de Fuego.'

He knows he is safe while the boys work outside, until he hears the cute catchphrase "Whatcha doin?" Instead, he hears Candace's quick footsteps down the stairs. Perry tosses off his bathrobe and switches to mindless pet mode. Candace notices the platypus on the couch and she moves over.

"What is this?" Candace clicks the remote. "This is in some alien language. Gross."

She clicks the televison off, causing Perry to grumble at her. She pays him no mind and grabs a granola bar out of a cabinet. When she re-enters the living room, she almost trips on some little box of machinery. She picks it up with scrutinizing eyes, content on tossing it into the garbage or at the boys. She walks to the sliding door and grabs Perry. As she does so, their bodies jiggle a little and turn an amazing orange. Perry falls from Candace's grip and the machinery bobbles into the door.

Perry regains his vision and sees himself on the floor. He deeply inhales and looks down at himself. 'Great,' He thinks to himself. 'I'm in Candace's body again. Maybe the agency' The beeping on the platypus's wrist stops her thoughts. Perry reaches down and grabs the communicator, the collar and the signature hat. She sighs and climbs into the portal behind the picture in the living room. She falls into her chair, hat falling right on top. Monogram is on the screen.

"Oh, good. You're here and in disguise."

Perry raises an eyebrow since Carl is locked in a cage behind the major. The man in charge massages his temples before answering.

"Carl isn't being himself today and, he uh, attacked Peter the Panda, Chester the Cat and myself with a salad fork at breakfast this morning. Go see if Doofenshmirtz has anything to do with this."

Perry salutes and exits the lair to find the small scooter from before. Stopping at a red light, Jeremy had been walking on the sidewalk and called Perry over. Groaning inaudibly, Perry shifts gears and goes over so as not to ruin anything.

"Hey, Candace. I thought we were going to be at your house."

She smiles sheepishly and shrugs. He nods, as if trying to understand.

"You've got some errands but you'll be back in time for the double date?"

Perry smiles greatfully. Jeremy smiles and gives his girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek as the light turns green. Perry blushes but smiles shyly and zooms off. She shudders slightly as she drives but quickly arrives to the DEI. She sees a crowd gathering and hears a commotion at Town Hall. Perry rolls her eyes and hurriedly climbs onto the elevator. It takes a while, but she soon arrives. She takes the door key from her hat, unlocks it and steps in. She immediately finds herself in a tight, constricting cage.

In no time, Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz rounds the corner. There is no smirk on his face, nor even a hint of any smile not dark and disturbing. His hair is frazzled more than usual and the bags under his eyes are growing heavier at each passing moment. He isn't wearing his lab coat, but his eyes glow a certain evil as he cracks his knuckles. Perry winces at the sound. The doctor snaps his fingers with an even, "Rodney."

His LOVEMUFFIN rival Rodney hurries to his side. He gives Perry a once-over, but Doofenshmirtz stops him with a smack to the face. The balding man apologizes and grabs a handle connected to Perry's trap. Doofenshmirtz starts walking and Rodney follows. The silence is killing Perry. The doctor waves off his 'helper' and the man disappears into the dark halls. The doc finally rests on the balcony, turning around to get a good look at the trapped girl.

"How's my favorite girl?"

"Huh?" She asks, but stops shocked she can talk.

"Ah, so you can talk." He nods appreciatively. "Good to know."

A deafening explosion is heard and fiery embers make their way to the balcony. Heinz nonchalantly brushes them off and watches as the fifth car this morning erupts into flames. The mayor is down there, ordering officials to do his building, using busted, disfunctional inators as threats, warnings and weapons of mass destruction. The girl on the balcony twists her neck as to crane over the railing and see what is happening. Doof doesn't seem to like this idea much as he harshly slaps her across the face.

Perry is nervous and worried that something has finally made Doofenshmirtz snap and become a true evil. There isn't any inators around, fully finished or mid-progress. He hasn't heard any tragic backstories; there haven't been any annoying monologues about unimportant topics or events. Perry's eyes droop up to see his frenemy take a flask from an unknown pocket and gulp down its contents. The man then sneers down to the trapped girl with an evil grin.

"You're quite the escape artist, Candace. Think you could escape this trap before it hits the ground if I shove you over?"

Her eyes become the largest possible, full of shock and pure fear. She scurries to the farthest possible corner of the small trap. There is a sudden other explosion down at Town Hall and Norm crashes in, flying just over a very unfazed Doofenshmirtz's head. Riding on the shoulder of the giant robot are tweens-nearly-teens Phineas and Ferb. The brothers hop off silently. Phineas has a mischievous, smitten expression written across his face compared to Ferb's unkempt, awkward mannerisms.

Perry quirks an eyebrow to her owners, hoping they will recognize her as their sister and help. Phineas obviously notices the girl in the cage but makes no moves to help. Instead, he traces his fingers around his stepbrother's neck. Ferb gives in and moves his lips to touch Phineas's. Perry takes in a short breath, confused beyond his mind over what is happening. He is a teenage girl, both Doofenshmirtzes are psychotic and his owners are making out with each other. Heinz seems to not have time for this.

"Go wait in the elevator, brats."

"But I wanna" Phineas starts.

"Now." Doofenshmirtz orders. "I'm burning this shitty building to the ground. Let's go."

Perry is desperately trying to find a way out. She doesn't really know where she could go. At home, her own family is against her. At the DEI, her nemesis has snapped, and at OWCA, she could get stabbed with a salad fork. It takes her a good ten seconds to realize Doof has moved her to the railing. The man drawls a soft whine before harshly whispering to the caged girl.

"My brother has no idea how to run a city. Fucking idiot." He grabs the top of the confinement, allowing it to slowly slide off the edge. "Good riddance, damn mindless animal."

Perry reaches out a hand and starts to cry. The doctor lets go and Perry finds herself, still stuck in Candace's body, plummeting over forty stories toward the cold, hard concerte in a metal entrapment. So many thoughts swarm her mind. 'How could this have happened? Where is that goofy doctor? He always has stupid plans to take over the tri-state area. We fight, I destroy, it's normal. It's an average day. I help him when he needs it; when it's not for evil purposes. He's not really my enemy. He was my rival, my frenemy. Screw that, he's supposed to be my friend. I can be myself around him. We laugh at each other sometimes, but we're close. We're supposed to be'

Her thoughts are put on hold as she watches the very familiar purple building go up in flames. She can hear the piercing screams of residents and she swallows a lump of guilt along with her terror and fear. She looks down; she only has maybe seven stories to go. It is reigning heavily now. The ground is closing in. She clutches the collar in one hand and an old picture of her and Doofenshmirtz eating popcorn in the other. She lets her tears run rampant and braces for impact.  



End file.
